Yelling Doesn’t Solve Anything – Parent Management Training
Yelling is a common tactic a parent may use to discipline their children. However, it is often used out of frustration or anger and not as a method that helps a parent with the goal of creating positive change in your child’s behavior. Yelling it is not helpful for the end goals parents seek as it does not teach new behaviors and often ends up teaching the parent to yell more, while doing little to change a child’s behavior!
The False Image
Yelling is a form of punishment. Although parents may believe yelling displays authority it doesn’t. It more likely conveys a sense of lack of control. Yelling is a frustrated plea out of a lack of sense of control over the situation…and the child knows it.
Yelling can causes children to have lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression. As a matter of fact, yelling that can have similar results to physical punishment in children, such as increased levels of anxiety, stress, and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems. If the goal is to change a child’s behavior or teach a more productive behavior, yelling is not a good intervention and often counter productive.
What Do I Do Instead?
Not yelling requires advance planning and discipline for parents.
Dr. Kazdin advocates a program called the ABCs, which stands for antecedents, behaviors, and consequences.
Antecedents are the setup. It is what is happening before a behavior. Is the child tired? Does the behavior happen at a certain time or under certain conditions. A command request is an antecedent as is the tone of voice used and words used.
The behavior is what the child is doing or what you would like them to do. It is important to be specific and clear as to what behavior you are addressing.
Consequences is what happens after the behavior. What does the child get after their behavior. Often, the behavior you want to change is reinforced accidentally because the child gains power, attention (negative attention), self-depreciation, or avoidance. It is important to see what consequence the child seeks with the negative behavior and not to provide it. Instead, reward strongly and frequently the behavior you do want. Positive attention is an excellent positive reinforcement as are structured reward systems.
The Bottom Line
Changing behavior is hard and takes time, but it can be done. These techniques work! The bottom line is praise works and punishment doesn’t.
At PNA we offer Parent Management Training so you can also become an expert in behavioral change. Call us for more details.
